Challenges

2009-07-04T03:47:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna be moving blog soon people.
when i've got more posts over at the other one i'll let yall know again.
till then i'll still post here, and there. dont worry.
crap man, chem and econs common tests this coming week
at least there's no sch on monday.
whoosh
gonna go have dinner alr.
eat my dust :D

2009-07-01T01:05:00.000-07:00

I've found you once again, and this time I'm not gonna let you out of my grasp.

2009-06-26T17:35:00.000-07:00

To ALL from JJC who just happens to read this :

MATH BLOCK TEST IS ON WEDNESDAY. well at least, for my class yea. not sure bout the other classes, so yea. study hard! :D

2009-06-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

People with no fucking reason to do anything sometimes just have no lives it seems.
But its okay, whoever you are, just please fuck off ehh.
If you've got a problem or whatsoever to pick with me, tell it to me straight in the face, or call me if you have my number.
dont come to my blog and act like you're some bloody dipstick.
one thing i've come to hate, and thats people who choose to hide behind false names, cowardly jackfucks, thats what i feel.
get off my back and get a life.
grow up.

round one goes to the one standing tall

2009-06-23T00:10:00.000-07:00

what beholds behind the eye might just unravel unsolved mysteries

2009-06-21T19:31:00.000-07:00

Unmasked, but the play goes on.

2009-06-17T05:35:00.000-07:00

Intentions that were pure have turned obscure.

2009-06-16T21:35:00.000-07:00

One thing that makes it all complete.

2009-06-15T19:12:00.000-07:00

BIG SHOUTOUT HERE :

Guys whoever's going for 987's Life's A Beach party at Siloso Beach this saturday tell me!

2009-06-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

Ohwell, pretty much been slacking and rotting alot this past week.
sometimes i just go nuts realising i've got totally nothing to do at home. urgh.
ANYWAY, food is definitely one of the best things in the worlddddd.
went over to my godpa's house ytd to celerate father's day with my mom's side's family. okaay
and he bought this espresso machine! and its like, totally out of the world alright.
it can make espressos (obviously), lattes, cappuccinos! butttttttt, too bad couldnt make frappucinnos. heh.
slacked alot, watched the aviva mixed doubles finals where cuzs and i were all shouting 'CHAR!' whenever many of the players did a smash, on the account that both the teams in the finals were from china.
hm one day i shall try double-shot espresso and totally knock myself out.
after that we headed down to cafe brio's @ grand copthorne waterfront to celebrate father's day for both my dad and gramps, or, for my dad's side's family.
the food there was awweeeeeessssommeeeeeeee, seriously.
i urge you guys to go if you've got the cash.
think its 40 plus from mondays to thursdays, 52 on fridays and saturdays, and 50 on sundays and public holidays.
ehhhhhh i'm helping them advertise okay, coz their food is really, awesome.
but my dad said we should go fullerton and eat as a family sometime tho, they've got more jap food there.
argh, all this food talk is making me crazy man.
nvm shall drown myself in a cold bowl of nicenice frosties.
see yall and to whoever's reading my blog, take care yea?
anyway on a random quote, strength is not your ability to beat others, but how you can take pressure. heard this from some movie, kinda inspirational and triggers thinking for me.
okayokya i'm ravenous already. shall post again sometime soon.

the happy times spent

2009-06-09T23:23:00.000-07:00

Grr, freaking bored to the core at home. think i'm literally gonna rot to become some stinky pile of thingy.
got my contacts, so at least there's some happiness induced.
gonna be heading down to cafe brio's at grand chopthorne waterfront to celebrate father's day for both my grandfather and dad. so GOOD FOOD HERE I COMEEEEEE. :D
got this awesome song by Black Stone Cherry, Things My Father Said.
It's awesome, totally inspirational and touching. looooove it.
currently melting under the hot sun, but heck, at least i'm getting a decent tan.
thanks those who're showing conern to me, and yes i wont be an emo kid alright.
its just my blog posts that're like that. aww~
anw i'm bored already, gonna go work out again.
see yall

the sun's shining so bright i can see your smile

2009-06-06T01:29:00.000-07:00

We're falling faster
This is the last year
Just a few more hours
Until we are all alone
This never happens
Changing with fashion
Just a few more hours
Until we are unknown

I wish I could have known you better
I should blame it on the weather
This was over from the start
Does it even matter?
Our situations getting worse

Sleep in, (sleep in)
Sleep well, (sleep well)
With this life, (this life)
We're set to fail

I just wanted you to know
I think about you every night
When I fall asleep
You are in my dreams
And just like in a movie
The one you want to see
With a happy ending

This dead letter written on black paper
It never found her eyes
Instead of love (instead of love)
She only saw dollar signs

Sleep in, (sleep in)
Sleep well, (sleep well)
With this life, (this life)
We're set to fail

I just wanted you to know
I think about you every night
When I fall asleep
You are in my dreams
And just like in a movie
The one you want to see
With a happy ending
With this life, (this life)
We are set to fail

I just wanted you to know
I think about you every night
When I fall asleep
I just wanted you to know
I think about you every night
When I fall asleep
You are in my dreams
And just like in a movie
The one you want to see
With a happy ending
Hawthorne Heights - We Are So Last Year

its not so easy caving in.
the many things that've happened in my life.
some have been absolutely awesome, while the others, I would definitely not mind having them chucked away in time.
show me, what the dark holds.
being inside this sealed cage, everything seems fake.
my eyes do not live up to their purpose, for I gotta see with my heart.
life is going to be hard, with the few surprises in between.
how much further do I have to go?
How much longer till I finally know?
looking for an answer that just never seems to surface.
guess I'll just have to go after it and thrash it out.

2009-05-31T18:00:00.001-07:00

pictures shall describe my current emotions

2009-05-31T17:44:00.000-07:00

mrs tan's last day with us was also the last day of term 2.
so gonna miss you and your tutorials.
aww crap, so many things happening, so little time to adjust to all of them.
one small step forward can just as well bring you all the way back to the starting line.

why isnt this feeling going away.

2009-05-27T03:32:00.001-07:00

The previous week's been really exhausting.
celebrated grandma's birthday over at my house, bbq!
MUAHAHA the many many bbq-ed marshmellows i had, awesome.
happy birthday grandma! and may God bless you and keep you healthy and strong always.
but ohwell, last week of school this week, and half of it's alr gone.
had physics post-electricity test on tuesday first thing in the morning, and had GP test today.
another Gp test tomorrow, on content, which we SERIOUSLY gotta mug for it if not we'll know nuts about it. and not to forget, the chemical bonding test too.
the korean students had their last day here today!
there were 3 korean students who were with our class for a cultural trip in singapore and i was supposed to be the buddy of one of them.
and the one whom i was the buddy of was one who broke her leg quite recently in korea and hence she had to move about in a wheelchair. she could hop about tho. :D
so hence jordan became 'wheelchair boy' to the korean students.
but seriously! couldnt help but just go help push her around when i saw her wheeling herself. aww.

gifts that they gave to us before they left. thanks! :D

and amanda! gosh saw you twice today la but you didnt even look at me.
what kind of admin og friend are you man. rawrr you.
anw it was kinda sad to part with the korean students, tho we've only been properly 'together' for like, half a day only.
they were cheerful! and jovial.
and even tho she was wheelchair-bound (temporarily), she still placed others in priority and chose not to use the wheelchair, and to walk about by herself, despite the little pain with every step, just so that she doesnt have to trouble me more by having me push her around.
OH OH, played bball with the korean students, guys of course, during my class' break.
and one of them was just like, so freeaakkkkiningggggg tall can.
but ohwell, got thrashed then they had to go.
we continued playing amongst ourselves.
oh yea, isaac's birthday fell on this week, and i almost forget to post this, but happy birthday to you isaac, tho i've already wished you. see your birthday's now engraved on my blog. :D

went to support our school's badminton finals at jurong sports hall yesterday.
well we had a couple of giveaway matches, but the last doubles match of both genders were awesomely exciting. heh.
ohwell we lost overall, but i really agree with mr leow that we really cheered hard.
tho i didnt cheer much, but the feeling of emotional peaks were seriously there. heh
crap i love supporting games, kinda brought me back to my cat high days.. those feelings of deja vu i felt yesterday.
and! after the match we bumped into our ct. heh and no idea what made me do so, but i just asked her to treat us to pizza. surprisingly, she agreed. YAY :D
so 10 of us thronged into pizza hut and she bought 2 large pizzas for us.
however she had to leave to get over to her mom's house.

But really thank you Mdm Seetow, for the pizzas you agreed to treat us, and for not getting craaazy and start scolding spastically like some teachers when they're mad, when we don't hand up our work and we don't pay attention and stuff.
Mrs tan's leaving us to teach the j2s for their As.
so this is her last week with us.
feeling really sad actually.
to me it doesnt feel like losing a teacher, but someone more like a friend.
guess the bond's alr there between her and the class, or perhaps just me.. or am i just too sensitive, i dont know.
but still, we're gonna have pizza treat by her on friday. thanks mrs tan.

crap la, was cheerful and all when i first started posting this, but now that i've typed till here, feeling kinda emo alr.
sometimes we just dont seem to treasure the things and people around us do we? and only when they're gone do we realise their significance and the impact they've made in our lives.
yes, i know its no use crying over spilt milk, and i will try to stay strong, despite the many more challenges that're bound to cross paths with me, and to try clearing those that are already in my way.. adhering me to the wall.

things have gotten more or less better for me i guess.
the stares and looks i still get sometimes, i cant blame them for it.
i can only continue hoping.

2009-05-20T02:07:00.000-07:00

Gee, no idea time passes so fast.
It's already past mid-may, coming to june.
just like that half a year's passed.
thinking about all the past times, mostly wasted.
everything seems to just be a piece of history in my life now.
everyday adds on to the memory in my mind.
perhaps one day i might forget all of them, perhaps then i can be finally be devoid of all feelings and thus be my true self?
spontaneous effort doesnt work. it takes prolonged ones to make people realise what they mean to you.
to all my friends out there, thanks for having been here always, if not most of the time.
to those I've frustrated, i'm sorry and hope things will work out alright.
to my future friends, make way in your life! for i'm gonna make a huge impact in it, or at least try to.
no idea why i've been so random these days.
the mood swings just keep coming and going.
and no i'm not having my period and neither am i ever gonna have one.
guess its just stress huh? or perhaps something wayyyyy deeper.
i'll just have to dig in slowly, one step at a time to find out the true meaning and problem then.
till then, i can only hope everyday passes smoothly and it is not wasted, like the many days that've already passed.
half a year to go, and i cant wait for the june hols.
quick come, then i can stay home all day and EMO. muahaha :D
gotta go mug for chem and math tests tmw, not to mention the chinese como we gotta write tmw.
urgh.
bear with me people, if i get upset with you or things like that.
i dont mean it nowadays.
just tend to get frustrated more easily than usually.
no i'm not having menopause.

anew? perhaps

2009-05-15T03:22:00.000-07:00

Jordan finally got A for his 2.4 for NAPFA!
Like, for so long, from sec sch onwards, I always couldnt complete 2.4 within the A range.
But after lotsa training during the pe sessions and by myself, I am proud to say I ran a 10.05.
whoosh.
anw, tests tests tests!
physics lecture test today, was a killer man, at least it'll be better than my first lecture test.. heh
and had another piece of good news! econs make-up lesson was postponed to next friday, miraculously by miss law.
ohwell, but there'll be an econs lecture test next week tho, not to mention the math lecture test as well.
ohwell, stress is certainly building up ton by ton.
gotta keep up with it.
and cant let other factors bring me down anymore.
to you who's reading this, i'm sorry, for whatever wrong things i've ever done to you.
i believe in burying the hatchet and i dont know, perhaps someday everything'll be back to normal again.

cheerios

2009-05-14T05:58:00.000-07:00

I don't want enemies.
I want a life with friends, and happiness.
I don't want awkwardness, the stupid feeling of shame and regret.
If this should really be the case, and continue on,
I don't want my life.
haha kiddin guys.
promised so many people i'm gonna be happy and stick to it.
not gonna let them down.
to this person out there, you know who you are, but now sure if you still do read my blog.
Friends are always there for you.
They're the ones just standing beside you, waiting for a chance, and opportunity to just reach out for your hand, and pull you back to them.
You are NOT alone, and stop thinking you'll just be putting a burden on everyone should they help you.
Your friends WANT to help you.
Don't push them away.
Don't push us away.

we're here

2009-05-09T04:34:00.000-07:00

Jordan is fucking awesome, hell yea.
To those who have a feud with me, go ahead and hate me coz that would be what I feel towards you.
Stop being pathetic and try making me feel sad and bad and every shit.
I'm not backing down for no fucking reason anymore.
So those people out there, you know who you are, I'm not spouting any names, can just fucking shut your fucking mouths, watch your own fucking actions and see how your fucking lives change.
Let your lives be fucking better without me, for I don't wish to be in yours either.

gosh, this is actually kinda fun

2009-05-08T03:31:00.000-07:00

Rose wine is quite nice, that I just realised.
Too many things, happening, too little time to take them all in, to adjust to them.
I will try to cope.
Thanks Wei Kok for the tags and at least there are people who share the same viewpoint as me that people should just use their own identities, and not hide behind their anonymous names.
Not saying I'm pissed off with whoever's been doing that at my tagboard, for I actually don't care whethere he or she wishes to use his or her real identity or not.
I'm just telling you, that I appreciate you coming to my blog and reading my posts, but please keep your views to yourself if there are negative. Why don't you go think about a situation where its you who's having such stupid lame stuff thrown at you.
I don't wish to use any vulgarities, so please just chill off.
I'm not what you think I am anymore.
I'm not gonna give in to whatever shit people throw at me, to the nonsense that they do.
Look, if you want people to do something, firstly you have to make sure that you yourself will do it too. So don't go asking people to do this and that, when you yourself commit the very same mistakes immediately after that. Its pathetic.
Why do something you can't even commit to yourself, you're like, asking people to stop this, do this, do that, yet you yourself continue doing them.
I believe, your mouth is fucking huge, want a whale stuffed down it?
Hearing your voice makes me want to puke.
Seeing you makes me want to punch your lights out.
But I've promised myself not to hurt anyone physically anymore.
Actually, I should pity those who are just like you, for they just make me sick.
No idea why people still crowd around you and think you're totally awesome and oh-my-wonderful.
And for your information, both the 'you's are different.
One is specifically about 'test', while the latter is about this random person who's just so unlucky I chose to hate. All the best to you.

fuck up and fuck off

2009-05-05T23:47:00.000-07:00

Oh my God, this hurts like hell
I had that dream again where
I was lost for good in outerspace
Tell me, doctor, how to shake
A waking nightmare that is only
Worse when I am sleeping

Kill the messenger
I swear it's not me
It's just someone I used to know
And get to church cause you're a good girl
And I never told you that
And all I need from you
Could be the thing that
Leaves us both up here forever
I'm gonna send a little rain your way
I'm gonna send a little rain...

It's not so easy, caving in
I walked by your apartment twice today
When you were gone at work
And all the colors got so down
It's not as cold out here
But come quick, I am losing feeling

Kill the messenger
I swear it's not me
It's just someone I used to know
And get to church cause you're a good girl
And I never told you that
And all I need from you
Could be the thing that
Leaves us both up here forever
I'm gonna send a little rain your way
I'm gonna send a little rain, send a little rain

I'm gonna send a litte rain to pour down on you
Rain that makes the flowers bloom
Rain to leave you all alone
That keeps eyelashes falling
And wishes washed away

Kill the messenger
I swear it's not me
It's just someone I used to know
And get to church cause you're a good girl
And I never told you that
And all I need from you
Could be the thing that
Leaves us both up here forever
I'm gonna send a little rain your way
I'm gonna send a little rain...
i'm gonna send a little rain your way
Jack's Mannequin - Kill The Messenger

Thanks Justin for the wonderful introduction to Jack's Mannequin.
Someone please send a little rain down my way.
And let the storm clouds cover my despair.

2009-05-01T18:34:00.000-07:00

What was it about my previous post, that I said I survived, and will try my best.
I'm a hypocrite, for the very next day, right now, everything has changed.
Things I used to laugh at, shall never seem funny anymore.
I give up easily.
I have given up on trying.
So many times, so many disasters, so many failures.
Every setback, pushing me further behind in life.
I don't know how to catch up, get back on track.
Why should I try? To fail and hurt myself, hurt everyone once again? To disappoint them even though knowing their expectations of me? Why do I even promise people that I'll try, when for all I know, I might just exhale my last breath anytime? Why, when I know that there is a high possibility that I'll disappoint them? Why Jordan, why you fuck-tard.
For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, let me just tell you, this isn't regarding my academics, even though its like shit too.
Things happen for a reason, but the reasons I know not of.
I bleed out in agony for that answer, just that one single answer that explains for everything.
Yet to no avail.
Blood continues trickling down, yet there's nothing I can do to stop the bleeding.
I'm turning pale, I've snapped.
Broken into many pieces just like a twig having been stepped on.
I am like, a frail twig.
I carry no meaning in this world, lying there motionlessly on the ground, and unfortunately enough, gets stepped on.
I am, a burden to those out there.
People have to sweep me away because I am ruining the beauty of my surroundings.
Twigs should have legs, so they can walk away themselves.
This time, I truly walk alone, along that ever-familiar dark alley of sorrow.
My life now hangs on a thread, for I've just discovered something even worse, you guys will never want to know.
This time, I'm keeping this problem, this situation to myself.
For I think to myself of what happened when I told people about my initial situation.
Nothing much, for I just increased the stress, the burden in them.
So why care for my, my friends.
Its not worth it, its wrong.
Care for the others around you, and don't waste your energy on me.
This time, I know what to do.
I don't wanna put stress and burden my friends anymore.
I'm keeping this to myself.

silence

2009-04-30T23:22:00.000-07:00

Amanda SOH HUI ZHENtold me to post something cheerful, so here I am, trying hard to do so?

Actually, I don't know what to type. When she said, 'try to post something more cheerful!', I said okay, but right here, now at this posting page, I have no idea what to type, so MY BAD AMANDA.

Okay actually I might know abit.

No Amanda I'm not afraid of your kicks so go ahead and try, we'll just see if its you who laughs first, or me who yells out in pain eh?

Injured my shoulder while playing basketball yesterday.

Was alright actually yesterday, not very bad, but when I got up this morning it started to hurt like hell and if I were to just touch it, it'd hurt. (ouch)

Not to mention, other than the shoulder injury i got yesterday, there was also that short pain in the 'down-there' when Isaac and I collided while competing for the ball. (doubleouch)

I hereby promise myself, and to those who know about my situation, that I'm gonna try my best to get better, so don't yall worry, I'll take things in stride and not let them affect me too much.

Heading over to jon's house to celebrate his dad's birthday, meaning there'll be chocolate fondue again, (YES!) and none for you Yuelin.

Don't complain, I'll bring you to get some sooner or later alright?

And amanda! accompany me home.. I don't want lonely bus rides home anymore, coz I don't wanna emo in the bus anymore.

I used to be emo-jorjor, then turned into cheerful and fun-jorjor for awhile, yet now its back to emo-ing again.

I'm weird, I admit, but ohwell, thats just how life is eh?

I have decided to remain weird, but not to be so emo anymore.

Persevere jordan, you can do it, I think.

Try to find a certain factor or something, for you to hold on to, for you to believe in, so that it'll act as a pushing factor for you to stay on the right path, the right track.

keeping myself in the right mind is important, and i'll try hard, i promise.
things might have gotten out of hand, and i have decided to tackle other things and set my scopes further.
i am determined for i want to be strong.
for i wanna break the barrier between us.
for i want you.
grab my hand and never let me go.
tons of hugs to you.

jordan survives

2009-04-29T03:56:00.000-07:00

Major depression is a disabling condition which adversely affects a person's family, work or school life, sleeping and eating habits, and general health.
Depressed people may be preoccupied with, or ruminate over, thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt or regret, helplessness, hopelessness, and self hatred.
Other symptoms include poor concentration and memory, withdrawal from social situations and activities, and thoughts of death or suicide.
Insomnia is common: in the typical pattern, a person wakes very early and is unable to get back to sleep.
Family and friends may notice that the person's behavior is either agitated or lethargic.
Most exhibit a loss of interest in school and a decline in academic performance.
They may be described as clingy, demanding, dependent, or insecure.

2009-04-29T01:21:00.000-07:00

Why do you have to care so much to the extent that you have to bleed for me.
Now your blood lies on my hands, for I've indirectly caused you to act out your foolishness.
I promise you alright, that I'll try, I'll give my best.
But please, don't ask me to discover the truth, I cant take it, really I cant.
This situation that's here, its going to be extremely hard for me, and even if I get well, there is a high possibility that I fall back into what I'm currently having.
So what do you want me to do?
Yes, I promised you to try my best, but at what expense?
To get well, and get hurt all over again by my life?
I don't know what to do, but its a promise, and I wish to help myself too.
Perhaps when I get well, I'll view things in a much more positive way, and I'll learn to treasure what I still have in my life.
For someone like me to try and adapt a positive attitude, given this situation, I'm at a loss for words.
And with the knowledge of what you did to yourself due to my actions, I hate myself even more.
Like, why the fuck am I in this world for.
To continue what I'm doing right now?
I'm totally unhappy with my life, but who am I to complain?
There are so many others who have much more difficult lives than me, yet they're not complaining.
Whats the matter with me, why am I so damn effing weak?
Sensitive? But being fucking overly-sensitive is a good thing?
I don't know the path that leads on ahead of me.
Ever step I take, my vision seems to get darker and darker.
My legs seem to give way, and should I fall to the ground, what am I to do?
I've fallen for countless times, and for these countless times, I've picked myself up.
However, the bruises, the scars, still remain etched in my heart, tucked away neatly in the storage space, 'emotional distress', in my heart.
Am I becoming some freak show?
I need to have personal growth.
Perhaps I'm always at loggerheads with myself.
Things are totally different now.
I need to act my age.
I need to give it a shot, no matter how tough it is.

i promised

2009-04-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

Eight years later
Time goes by fast
Got my memories
And they will last
I try to keep it simple cause i hate goodbyes
I try to keep it simple by telling myself that
I, i will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much i could say
But words get in the way so
We're not together
I will remember you
I will remember you
We're a picture in my mind
When i want to find you
I just close my eyes
You'll never be that far from me
So don't say goodbye cause
You'll never be that far from me
I'm telling myself that
I, i will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much i could say
But words get in the way so
We're not together
I will remember you
You were there when i needed a friend
Thank you, thank you
I never told you how much that meant
Gotta thank you, thank you
I will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much i could say
But words get in the way so
I, i will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much i could say
But words get in the way so
We're not together, i will remember
We're not together, i will remember you
Yeah, i will remember you
Ryan Cabrera - I Will Remember You

Yes, there've been so many things I could have done to better my life, to better everyone's lives.
But I'm sorry, I've failed countess times.
Forgive me, for the mistakes, the blunders, the many things.
I'm goth? I don't think so.
There're so many people out there much more gothic than me, how can I possibly be goth.
I just wanna close my eyes, and wake up in a totally new world, where things are, different.
I want, a different life.
I want, to be a different Jordan.
Different, or indifferent?
I don't know, what's wrong with me.
Everything, once again, all over again.
Till death draws upon my last lingering breath, for my very vision shall blur, and things shall fade into a distant memory.
Cascading into what seems like a mirage, I consent.

i will remember you

2009-04-25T02:57:00.000-07:00

I found God on the corner of First and Amistad
Where the west was all but won
All along smoking his last cigarette
I said, where've you been?
He said, ask anything.
Where were you?
When everything was falling apart.
All my days spent by the telephone.
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.
But in the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing hope
The only one who's ever known
Who I am, Who I'm not, Who I want to be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.
Early morning
The city breaks
I’ve been calling for years and years…
And you’ve never left me no messages
Never sent me no letters
You’ve got some kind of nerve
Taking all I want
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor,
Where were you? Where were you?
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late.
You found me, you found me.
Why'd you have to wait?
You found me, you found me.
The Fray - You Found Me

The blood stays on my hand, for the mistakes I've committed.
What am i thinking? I can't turn back time and make everything just like what it was used to be.
As bad as things seem to be, there is nothing I can do.
I sit here, alone, so what if its a dark corner?
So what if there's a dark pool of blood beside me?
And, so what, if I really am the murderer?
Whats done is already done, there's no use trying to make it all come back again.
Blood's oozing out from my heart, adding to the already immense pool.
I was lost, but now, I've found myself.
Everything used to be fun, and happy.
Yet now, everything's turned pitch black.
Yet suddenly, comes another streak of red, and the tremendous pain that follows.
I yell out in agony, but lesser each time, for I'm already getting used to it.
Perhaps, one day, it wont affect me anymore, and no amount of stress shall hurt me.
Forget everything Jordan, why should you recall them every now and then and hurt yourself yet again.
Things have changed, and they dont go your way anymore.
Let it go, forget the past, and start anew.
Anew?
Whats 'anew'?
This word sounds so foreign to me.
I have to try and accept this word.
Perhaps once I've done so, I'll be able to change myself, into a better person perhaps.
But should I fail, ohwell at least I've tried.
I, shall live.

letdown.

2009-04-25T00:55:00.000-07:00

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved
Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
On The Side Of Me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide
Yet you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
on the side of me
Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
but you
I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth
'Cause you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
on the side of me
Everyone needs a friend to hold
when it's cold outside
and there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
all alone I cried
there was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...
Yeah you choose to be
on the side of me
on the side of me

Corrinne May - On The Side Of Me

I know you're facing alot of problems, troubles, complications now, but I'm here for you.
Open up to me, things will be fine, and I can promise you that.
Where's the determined you I used to know?
The you who would ruffle my hair, poke me?
Quick, tell me that you're freezing cold and you wanna go pee so badly.
I miss hearing these things, I miss feeling that way.
I know it might sound stupid to you guys, but everything do, say, mean the world to me.
Get back into my open arms, let me hold you tight, for I will never let you go again, I promise.
There are so many things about you, I'd give anything up to experience. your smile, you laughter, your warmth, your love.
You constantly think of me, that I do know, and I'm grateful about that.
Just to let you know I constantly think of you too.
Well as if you don't already know.
You are trying really hard, and I can see that.
I'm proud of you, and you just gotta keep at it.
Don't worry, I'm here for you.
Don't think too much about everything, anything.
Happiness, its really hard to get for you isn't it.
Well, I can definitely tell you this, its right in front of you.
Its just whether you wish to look clearly, at who's there for you.

I know it won't be too long till I see you, I hear you,
I love you.

2009-04-24T03:51:00.000-07:00

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
Run away with my heart
You run away with my hope
You run away with my love
I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go

The Calling - Wherever You Will Go

Finally, I was able to have a great one-to-one talk with you.
Though we both didnt say much, and it was me trying most of the time, I'm glad we had that time alone to ourselves.
I'm glad I've been able to make you smile, and make you laugh.
For it hurts me to see you so down, so affected by everything in the world.
Dont keep everything inside, for I've done that before and ended up hurting myself way much more.
I wanna embrace you, and make you feel happiness again.
I know what I've done.
I'd give anything to see your smile again, to feel your happiness exuding again.
Dont say its impossible, you gotta try.
Dont say you dont know, coz nobody ever knows.
The many things in your life, some should be left on the trails, not to be carried along, for they will only weigh you down.
Leave behind all the sadness, all the unnecessary troubles and mishaps, and breathe in the fresh air again.
I'm here for you, for its just a natural thing for me.
Dont think that you're burdening me, for you are not.
Thinking about you, caring for you, feeling concerned for you, getting affected by what you say, have all become part of my life.
And, this part of my life, is really vital to me.
I dont want, and dont wish, to lose this part of me.
I dont wanna feel insecure.
I dont wanna feel sad anymore.
I dont wanna, lose you.
So keep trying, my love, and dont worry.
I'll be here to catch you should you fall.
Let me help you.

walk on, and let me follow in your footsteps..

2009-04-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

1. Depressed Mood

A person may report feeling "sad" or "empty" or may cry frequently. Children and adolescents may exhibit irritability.

2. Decreased Interest or Pleasure

A person may show markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, daily activities.

3. Weight Changes

Significant changes in weight when not attempting to gain or lose (a gain or loss of 5% or more in a month) may be indicative of depression. In children, this may also present as a failure to make expected weight gains.

4. Sleep Disturbances

Insomnia or sleeping too much may be a symptom of depression.

5. Psychomotor Agitation or Retardation

The person may be observed to be either agitated and restless or physically slowed down in their movements.

6. Fatigue

Deep fatigue or a loss of energy is a symptom of depression.

7. Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt

A depressed person may feel that they have no value or they may feel inappropriately guilty about things they have no control over.

8. "Brain Fog"

A depressed person may have a diminished ability to think, concentrate or make decisions.

9. Thoughts of Death

A depressed person may have recurring thoughts of death, especially thoughts of suicide, with or without a specific plan.

Instead of acknowledging their feelings, asking for help, or seeking appropriate treatment, men may turn to alcohol or drugs when they are depressed, or become frustrated, discouraged, angry, irritable and, sometimes, violently abusive. Some men deal with depression by throwing themselves compulsively into their work, attempting to hide their depression from themselves, family, and friends; other men may respond to depression by engaging in reckless behavior, taking risks, and putting themselves in harm's way.

Bipolar disorder is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood clinically referred to as mania or, if milder, hypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. These episodes are usually separated by periods of "normal" mood, but in some individuals, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, known as rapid cycling. Extreme manic episodes can sometimes lead to psychotic symptoms such as delusions and hallucinations. The disorder has been subdivided into bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymia, and other types, based on the nature and severity of mood episodes experienced; the range is often described as the bipolar spectrum.

look at me, what am I turning into.

2009-04-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

I wake up all alone
Somewhere unfamiliar
Been gone so many days
I'm losing count
When I think of home I see your face
Though I have to wait
You're so close yet so far
It's tearing me apart
What I would do to be there with you
You're so close yet so far
It's tearing me apart
What I would do to be back with you
I miss hearing your laughter
All the little things
Forgotten what it's like to hold you
Cuz where I am right now
So unforgiving
It's numbing everything
You're so close yet so far
It's tearing me apart
What I would do to be there with you
You're so close yet so far
It's tearing me apart
What I would do to be back with you(So promise)
No matter how long it takes for me to get back to you
You'll wait for me(I promise)
No matter how far away I go
I'll come back for you
Just wait and see
I miss being at home
I miss your face
Don't think I can wait
You're so close, yet so far
It's tearing me apart
What I would do to be there with you
So close, yet so far
It's tearing me apart
What I would do to be back with you

Hoobastank - So Close, So Far

Just wait and see, I'm gonna do what I've never done before.

2009-04-17T00:35:00.000-07:00

The tide shall wash away my scenes of crime.
I shall begin anew, refreshed and alive.
To a new world I shall belong, never to fall nor falter anymore.
I shall live up to what I am, and abolish those who stand in my way.
I am, farewell.

2009-04-13T03:20:00.000-07:00

Alot of things've been happening in my life, this time seriously too much for me to handle.
Things have gotten out of hand.
Some unexpected, and the others, which I really dont wanna remind myself about.
Perhaps I'm gonna end ALL THIS soon, really soon.
A simple move shall solve this, once and for all.
Thanks guys, for having stuck by me these days.
You're the stars in the skies which shine out just so brilliantly.
Really, thanks for everything.

Aut vincere aut mori.

2009-04-11T19:53:00.001-07:00

2009-04-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

Hey people, just got back from church.
Its GOOD FRIDAY!
Let's remember Jesus for His wonderful AWESOME sacrifice to save mankind from all sins.
Things've been pretty bad for me these few weeks.
Been in lots of difficult situations, broken down lots of times during the nights, many other sleepless nights, even more days of sch where I just sty quiet most of the time, and many many more.
You'd think, 'Oh my, whats happened to you Jordan? Whatever happened to the bright cheerful Jordan I use to know?'
Sometimes you control the things in your life, but however sometimes, they control you.
They take over your mind and make you go crazy with wild crazy thoughts.
They make you do silly things which you'll never dream of doing in your ENTIRE LIFE.
I really think that my life isnt worth much, its like, what I do everyday, is just, ordinary. My main point of this post is a prayer which has been said to work on all who's said it everyday in their lives, and I really hope that it'll work for me too and I can achieve more.

Dear Lord,
Oh bless me indeed!
Expand my boundaries!
Put Your hand on me!
Keep me away from evil!

I hope for the best to happen.
For life, for those around me, for everything I've done, for everyone I've let down.

Forgive me.

2009-03-28T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hey you guys, how's life huh.
Homework's been nutty and piling up! Think I'm gonna drown in them prettttyyyy soon.
Help me my friends, pull me out of this wreckage! Naw just kiddin..
Urgh, everyday passes so quickly, think before I know it, its gonna be promos.
How, studies piling up means stress piling up too.
Ohwell, at least I've got the usual goodies to look forward to everyday.
Looking forward everyday, to see the class! Everyone with their own unique smiles and personalities.
There's IDP on tuesday!
I'm sooo sorry you lost your phone NQ, but I've seriously got no idea how it could have got lost in the tinnyyyyy place like jp's subway.
Nevermind! At least those of us with you cheered you up!
Cheng Siong and I bought you the specs! Must wear on monday k?
Gonna wear my pinky pinky socks tmw and look like a total gay. WHEE.
Yall're gonna freak eh?
Currently talking to my granny on the phone while typing this post.
Urgh, gotta do my homework later.
Have still got 2 questions left for chemistry, and a littl of physics mcq left.
And there's still econs essay hwk! Totally dont feel like doing it can, miss law that day talk until like that, made the entire class no mood and everything.
She pms.
Ohwell, gotta go eat, ytd's yoshi dinner wasnt enough to fill my bigbig stomach.
Gonna go eat till fatfat. :D

Lux et veritas.

2009-03-25T03:24:00.001-07:00

Guys, I've officially made my blog private!
Super lotsa people with random weird names been tagging at my blog.
Ohwell, most of the people I've invited are from S30, whereby a few are from my admin og, and some outside friends.
So yeap, ust letting yall know, and coz I wanna post but no idea what to post about, so will post some time soon again i guess.
Enjoy school! Hope I get into house comm. rarrr.

2009-03-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday had been one rollercoaster of a day.
Experienced both extreme happiness, and extreme sadness.
Am I just pathetic, I sometimes ask myself.
Cried my eyes out for no good reason yesterday night.
Couldnt get to sleep at all.
I know you're reading this, and I'm so sorry these words are being processed in your mind right now.
But I'll remember my promise to you.
I will.
I'll try my best.
And people? Lets now have anymore conflicts, is that alright? Okay.

no more smiley Jordan, for now.

2009-03-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

Ohwell, I guess time really does pass by quickly.

Zhenghua's officially not in JJ anymore, and in SP. Wont be seeing him in JJ next monday when school reopens.

So many things've happened and sometimes, just too fast for you to comprehend.

Think I'm gonna take some time out, and be alone for awhile, to take things back to reality, and stop deluding mysely in this self-obsessed world of mine.

2009-03-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

Jordan apologises for the things he's done.
Wishes he gets forgiveness.

how can i make it up

2009-03-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

FUCK IT, JUST FUCK EVERYTHING ALRIGHT.
I WONT BOTHER ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE.
HAVE HAPPY LIVES YOU BOTH.

2009-03-14T06:54:00.000-07:00

Just being random, but I think having dimples make me look a whole lot younger and childish.

2009-03-14T00:38:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I injured myself while walking home ytd.
Slipped on this little portion of water on the pavement while switching tracks on my phone.
Right feet went straight into this drain-thingy, and I twisted it.
Cant walk properly at all and I'm getting super frustrated over it.
Missed the chance to go for YJ's carnival today. Sorry Tiong, sorry Richie, sorry Grace, sorry to you, and bean and the rest.
Luckily this upcoming week's march hols.
Can rest of stupid feet at home.
Dont have to worry about injuring it again.
I'm all paranoid when I go to sleep, afraid that I'd roll over to my right side and hence apply pressure on my injured twisted ankle.
Super swollen, and it still looks a little 'bent' now.
Kinda grosteque.
Ohwell, its gonna rain soon I think.
Gonna go nappy nap.

I wanna kiss you.

2009-03-13T01:30:00.000-07:00

Stay in touch Zhenghua, you'll be remembered by 09S30.
Remember to have fun in SP, and don't forget to think of us.
PSK! :D

2009-03-07T03:52:00.000-08:00

Guys! I'm back.
Sorry I've been updating my blog pretty randomly these days.
School work, and personal stuff've been filling up my life pretty much nowadays.
Not sure how my life is gonna go on from here, but I seriously and desperately hope its for the better.
This week's been kinda alright.
Tuesday's pe was a killer, but luckily friday's wasnt bad at all, I should say the easiest and least energy-draining of all so far.
Been reaching home super tired everyday and I do nothing much except do my homework should there be any, and plonk myself onto bed.
Man I need my life to be more colourful, and more exciting.
I need things to happen.
But, ohwell, not sure what these 'things' are, but I'll jsut wait for them I guess.
Cant wait for school to start on monday.
Actually ooking forward to school coz I get to crap around with classmates, ohwell.
BRRRRRRRRRRRR, BLLULULUUULULULLUU.
DIAO SIMI DIAO?
S.....C...G...S....! WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO.
EVERYONE GIVE ME ONE IVAN CLAP.
EVERYONE GIVE ME ONE CHARLENE CLAP.
WHOA ROYSTON, LOOK ITS (........)
WHOA WEIKOK, LOOKS ITS (.........)
WHOA DARREN, LOOK ITS (......), then legs go jelly and we fall to the floor.
Ohwell, life's been fun so far, but I'm pretty sure it's bound to get more hardcore and it means more concentration and studying, mostly even more catching up to do..
Man I'm just crapping away now, ohwell catch up with yall sometime soon.
At least I'm updating my blog, heh. Dont scold me!
Will post up better posts filled with much mroe stuff next time, my bad.
Cheerios.

2009-02-27T22:28:00.000-08:00

Jordan is feeling bored.
He's got no mood to blog anymore.
Eesh, perhaps he'll just let this blog rot.
Till people stop tagging for him to update it.
Till people start tagging that this blog's dead, decomposing already.
ARGGH.
Okay nvm, yesterday a bunch of us from class, mainly Nuanqi, Yeokrui, Charlene, Ivan, Shyhwei, Zhenghua, Celina and Weikok.
Went to hawker centre!
After that went to HAPPY BUBBLE TEA SHOP to drink, what else?
Oh yea, saw Felicia there.
She's the girl who was in my tour group when we went to Seoul, Xmas last year.
Ohwell, kinda happy to see her coz havent seen her for quite some time, then like, just suddenly see her, yeap.
NO SCANDALS PLEASE 09S30. :D
After that we headed back to sch and slacked in the canteen like shit.
Baifong came over and played card with the girls and also with Wanderer, aka "QIANDA".
Was playing his psp coz I didnt bring mine to sch. Older bro hogging it always.
At 4 we went over to the grandstand to gather for the Owens sports trials.
First up, 100m trials.
Ohwell, everyone who was interested took turns and raced in fives.
For my batch of five, I got first.
But it was like, nothing, coz it was just trials.
100m heats this coming monday, eesh and my muslces are aching like hell.
After that we sat somewhere near the grandstand and slacked for a super long time.
Bout 6 30 or so we had a tug-o-war amongst the houses.
WE were supposed to have catered dinner but I didnt stay for it.
Thanks NQ, Yuelin and Zhenghua for walking with me to the 187 bus stop.
Super long bus ride, then took 901 to my house.
Showered, late dinner, slept.
Woke up this morning muscles aching even worse.
No stretching helped.
Should have stretched last evening.
Blamed myself for my stupidity.
Okay.
Now my fingers are aching too.
Catch up wth yall next time alright.
See yall.

i miss you and you know it.

2009-02-20T03:03:00.000-08:00

Dont exactly feel very well, and I dont have the mood to blog or anything anw, so just gonna do a shoutout.
Thanks guys, all those who rmbed my birthday, for your wishes.
Thanks to my class, for the many wishes and how I was treated like a 'king'.
Thanks brian, for coming all the way from balestier to celebrate my birthday, and pon-ing your vball training at that.
Thanks Celina, for taking time out to celebrate tgt with brian and me, for not being a 'heartless creature'.
Thanks to Claire, for getting me so many wonderful presents, and for the celebration.
Thanks, to all of you people.
Whoever you are, you've made a difference in my life.
Also, shoutouts of birthdays to :
Bryan Wang (14th Feb)
Cheng Howe (16th Feb)
Evangeline (17th Feb)
Aik Loong (19th Feb)
Joan Ho (19th Feb)
I only know remember one of which her birthday is coming up.
Erica (25th Feb), because its exactly one week after mine.

Ohwell, no mood to blog anymore. Till next time then.

whats happening?

sexy floorball stick

2009-02-17T02:42:00.000-08:00

JORDAN HAS A NEW SEXY FLOORBALL STICK
:DDD
it's WHITE & PINK.
with a bling at the top.
awesome-ly cool (:

i miss youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY YOU (:

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

2009-02-15T23:03:00.000-08:00

Alright I figured out since I'm sick today, I'll blog everything about my orientation camp which just took place last thursday to saturday.

I feel that the idea of the orientation camp being held at a later date than most other jcs is totally awesome.

This is because we didnt spend the camp with our orientation groups, but actually with our actual classes for the rest of the 2 years of jc life.

This really gave everyone the opportunity to bond tgt with the class through games, sing-alongs, dances.

I really feel that this camp brought the entire class tgt, and there isnt the awkward-ness because we already know each other.

Alrightey now for the camp.

1st day of camp.

We gathered in out classes in the hall that morning, keeping all to ourselves coz we still dont much about each other, and it was only the 2nd time we saw each other.

Of course, I kept to myself too, since I didnt know anyone in my class, 09S30.

But when our OGLs for the camp came to us, I realised one of them was Bai Fong, my previous OGL for admin week.

Crapped around with him, and asked him for his "horn". (:
(5, 6, 7, 8, horny horny me me!)

Then from then on, I tried to talk more to my new classmates, since Bai Fong was there and I didnt feel very shy or anything anymore.

Went for morning assembly, then went back to the hall to gather.

Our class and 9 other classes were in

FAMILY 1

The other families were family 2, 3, and 4.

But FAMILY 1 rocks the most!

Alright, from there, families 1 and 2 were to stay in the hall while the other 2 families went to the track and field for water games.

We had mass dance! Super-uber cool and fun.

Learnt how to dance to quite a few songs but forgot the titles of the songs.

Danced till we were perspiring so much and everything.

Then we had the water parade thing whereby we did the 'water cheer' and downed our bottles of water.

Up next was lunch! It came in the form of lunchboxes and the food was kinda nice.

Supposedly, Mr Leow, the camp teacher-in-charge, said our batch's food was the most expensive and nicest tasting food ever in the history of JJ orientation camps.

WHOA, felt so honoured to be eating the niceynice food. (:

OHOH, before we went down for lunch the girls were made to change to their dark clothing and everyone was to change to their sandals.

Guess nobody wanted to have any see-thru shirts when we got wet, but obviously the guys didnt mind wearing white shirts and all.

Yeap, so we went for our water games and tremendously enjoyed ourselves.

There were stations we were supposed to go to throughout the session, and at every station we had to do cheers and of course, by the time water games for day one was over, my voice was already hoarse.

We washed up and quickly gathered for dinner.
Oh yea, forgot to say, that we did food cheers before meals.

Yeap, so after dinner, we quickly piled into LT5 for the sing-along session.

Sang and danced along to lotsa songs, and everyone got kinda emotional when they played the slow, saddish songs.

Mr Leow then told us about how we shuld treasure our friends, and how we should treasure that night, coz it was really a memorable night. Everyone hugged one another.

He then called all the OGLs up onto the stage and made them do push-ups, for he thought they didnt take care of their own OGs very well.

Well, they did the push-ups, but I thought they all were doing a very good job of taking care of us, and I was sure almost everyone thought the same way too.

We then all filed back into the hall to watch this short clip from

QUARANTINE

Jeremy, the games facilitator for the camp, came to brief us about the last item of the day one, HAUNTED HOUSE.

Well, it definitely seemed fun, coz it was gonna take place throughout the entire school.

There were 10 stations we had to go to, and the entire J1 cohort was to split up into 'clans'.

Each clan comprised of 2 OGs so we were together with OG10 since our class was OG9.

We went to the first station, which was in the squash court, located below the school.

We were to find 3 specific cards in the entire room and at the same time, there were grabbers under the tables and people with painted faces who'd jump out at any moment in time to scare us.

We cleared the first station and proceeded on to the 2nd one, which was in a classroom on the third floor.

When we were on the third floor, reaching the classroom for the second station, we suddenly heard a loud 'thud' and the fire alarm started ringing.

Everyone got a HUGE shock.

We were like, standing there, asking 'what happened?' and all.

Luckily it turned out the my classmate accidentally bumped into the fire extinguisher, which hit the fire alarm and caused it to break and set of the alarm.

Whew, it wasnt some supernatural activity which triggered it off.

Everyone headed down to the tracks to gather and after awhile, the school managed to turn off the alarm.

We were told to continue our HH but when we were heading up again, the alarm started ringing again. Then it stopped. Then started ringing again.

In the end, we only managed to clear the second station and had to head back to the hall already as there wasnt enough time and it was really late already.

Everyone gathered back in the hall, then families 3 and 4 gathered their belongings and stuff and went to the classrooms to sleep, while we stayed in the hall that night.

2nd day of camp.

We were all supposed to wake up at 7 but someone set his alarm to 5 30 in the morning and woke a couple of friends and me up.

We went to wash up and brush teeth, and waited for 7am to arrive.

At 7am, the music started playing in the hall and woke everyone up.

OGLs were rushing about the hall waking those who were still asleep, really funny.(:

We went for assembly shortly after, then had breakfast and morning exercise after that.

Families 1 and 2 then went back to the hall to pack up everything and bring our stuff into LT1 to leave there first as families 3 and 4 would be spending the night in the hall for day two.

The girls were then made to change to their dark clothing again and we went for another round of water games.

Apparently, the camp revolved around this storyline whereby we, the clans, had to save this princess who was captured by this King Jerk.

So the water games were like, part of the storyline and all.

After the water games, we went back to the hall for mass dance while families 3 and 4 had their water games. Learnt a few more songs, and then the finale of the mass dance was the slow dance.

Partnered my classmate and danced quite well. (:

Learnt the slide, box-step, round-step, underhand turn, half step, and the dip.(:

Apparently we were supposed to have mass dance later on at night during JJ Night and there would be slow dance, thus explaining for why we were being taught that.

And, Mr Leow told us our batch was the first batch to do slow dance as past of the mass dance.

Weird, but totally cool in every way. (:

After the mass dance, the girls had to change to their dark clothing again for the second part of the water games for day two.

It was called 'The Final Raid' and we were supposed to rescue the princess.

Had lotsa fun and got really really wet, and soapy all over.

Had to wash the soap outta my eyes quite a few times.

There was this station during the water games whereby we had to wash one another's hair. Really fun and cool.

Everyone then gathered near the field and we cheered really loudly. Was really nice to hear the echoes and all.

We were then given a longer time than usual to wash up, then we gathered for dinner and cheered as one family.

Everyone then headed for the grandstand after dinner and we learnt a few more cheers.

Then we rushed together as an entire J1 cohort into the hall for JJ Night.

It was an event whereby anyone could just attend, and lotsa alumnis attended.

I saw a couple of guys from my secondary school!(:
I then followed my OGL and squeezed to the front of the hall to watch the performances. Each family's OGLs came up with a dance item and really got the crowd all excited and happy and HIGH.

I was jumping alot and singing and cheering.

Then they played the emotional songs once again and everyone put their arms round one another and swayed and sang to the music.

Next came the mass dance and I partnered my classmate again. We did lotsa dances and there was the slow dance in the end.

Thoroughly enjoyed it, and got really happy.

But then once again came the sad songs and though everyone was all sweaty and everything, we still put our arms round one another and sang together as a class.

Our OGLs came to find us shortly after and we all sang the songs together.

Things got pretty emotional, but then we went off to the track to have our supper.

Each OG was supposed to set up and light up a 'kong ming deng', some kinda lantern.

We then went off to LT1 to get our bags, and the guys from OGs 9 and 10 headed to a class while the girls to another class.

I slept soundly coz I was seriously really tired.

3rd day of camp.

Woke up feeling kinda sad, coz it was the last day of camp, and I didnt feel like having it to end just like that.

Everything seemed to happen so fast, and 2 days flew by just like that.

We had breakfast, then our class followed our OGLs to do cleaning up.

After that, we gathered in a class, where we had this thingy called 'Emotional Wrap'.

It went like this. My OGL was supposed to start and he's got a roll of rafia string.

He shared about how he felt the 2 days of camp had been, being together with us and all. Then we were supposed to especially thank someone and show our appreciation for that person, then pass the string to him while holding on to it too.

I was really surprised when I was the person he thanked and wished to show his appreciation to.

I then shared about the entire camp and how our class had really bonded alot and everything, then showed my appreciation to my other OGL.

Everything went accordingly and soon enough, everyone had shared and had been thanked.

We then sang an emotional song together, softly.

It was really emotional.

After that, everyone gathered in the hall to listen to Mr Leow's thoughts about this year's orientation camp.

He then shared with the entire cohort about his life, and how he didnt appreciate his mom's love for him when she was alive, but is now too late to do anything coz she's passed away.

I was kinda sad when he was talking about it coz I could somehow relate to him since I dont ever talk to my mom.

Yea, then after that we broke camp.
Wanted to go for lunch as an entire class but didnt in the end coz not everyone wanted to.

Went home, and rested awhile, and shared secrets with one of my classmate.

Yeap, thats how my orientation camp went, and I'm really happy to have had this memorable 3days and 2nights spent in my life.

I really wish our class can bond more, and become even closer with each other.

Everyone lets work hard to achieve what we want.

This dance, I gladly partake, and I'm so sorry for everything I've done. How I wished I've got just that one glimmer of hope realise how much you love me.

2009-02-14T04:38:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYONE!

Havent posted for a lone time, coz I've been busy and all lately.

Just got home from orientation camp at sch!

The camp was TOTAL AWESOME-NESS.

Like, second to none, seriously none.

09S30 MY AWESOME CLASS!

My Orientation camp OG9!

We really bonded alot during this camp.

Though it may just seem a short span of just 3 days and 2 nights, trust me, we were already bonded by the first night.

Thank you, our ex-OGLs, now friends, seniors.

Thanks to Bai Fong and Gary for making this camp a success for 09S30.

Alright everyone lets work hard together and score for promos and then 'A's!:D

Would you give me your hand for this dance?

2009-02-03T01:43:00.000-08:00

Ohwell, school's starting the actual proper soon.

But I'm actually looking forward to it.

Gone will be the days of total boredom, and rotting at home.

But gone will be, the days where I can go out with my friends, catch movies and such.

Yesyes, I know I'll be regretting whatever I'm saying now, and complaining about the huge amounts of homework and all.

But I'm determined not to give up or slack this year.

Well perhaps I'll slack a little, but not too much.

Gonna achieve more that what I've achieved.

Much more.

Wana touch more people's lives too.

Perhaps I'll be given many opportunities to do so this 2 years, with an entire new class and all.

New school, new environment, new teachers, new classmates, new best pals.

Dont worry, I'll still keep in contact and never forget those that are already mine.

JC life, the last time we get to have a really close relationship with out schoolmates.

I'm gonna make full use of these 2 years.

I sound waayyyyy too serious?

Naw, you're just thinking this way coz I havent put in any smileys and all, so there. :D

2years, lets wait.

2009-01-31T17:29:00.001-08:00

School's starting tmw.
A new lease of life.
Gonna be in a new environment, with new friends, teachers.
Time passes so fast, it seems.
There are mistakes in life, one makes, and realises can never be undone.
All the screwups, all of them, just like me.
I admit, I'm a screwup, and a total one at that.
People look at me, and they'll think what a miserable person this guy is.
I dont need anyone's pity.
I dont want people helping me out, just because they feel sympathetic for me, and wanna ameliorate the like I'm having.
Is this how people get care and concern?
That its because those around him feel pity for him, thats why extending help?
I dont want to be pitied.

Whatever you've done for me since day one, have been really alot.

I'm grateful, thankful, for your magnanimous act.

And I know you're doing it, not coz you pity me, but coz it truely comes straight from your heart.

And I say, thanks.

Too many things have happened and I've more or less become what I used to be.
I dont know how to tackle barriers anymore.
I'm at a loss when something wrong happens, and I'm afraid that whatever I do, the slightest mistake, would set off a disaster.
Perhaps

I'm

the disaster.

A disaster to many, to myself, to you.
I'm really sorry for the many many wrongs I've committed.
Sometimes I wish my vision would just blur, my legs lose their strength, and I would just fall to the ground, lifeless.
And in my mind, I would be saying my silent 'goodbyes' to my family, friends and all.
Sometimes I really cant take it, and I do stuff and try my best to vent whatever emotions I'm feeling, away.
But most of the times, you've been there, helping me with every step of the journey.

You are my silver lining.

You are my care and concern.

You are, love. Thanks, for you're here.

"C" is for Care, "L" is for Love, "A" is for Attitude, "I" is for I love you, "R" is for Rapture, "E" is for Enthralled.

blogged by a mystery. (:

2009-01-27T19:24:00.000-08:00

jordan is too busy to blog.
this mysterious person shall keep it updated (:

k HAPPY CNY everybodyyyyyyyyyyy :D

jordan went visiting on the first day of new year.
jordan went to many places. jordan collected angpaos.
jordan woke up super early.
jordan won more than 12 bucks in '21'

jordan went to his uncle's on the second day of new year.
jordan went to a hugeeeeeeeeeHUGEEEEEEEEEEE house.
the house could store 7 cars in the front.
the house had an entertainment room with pool tables and such.
the house had around 5? storeys and a hugeeee garden.
jordan was in awe.
jordan loh-hei-ed in the festive atmosphere.
jordan went to his gramps.
jordan got bored.
jordan watched 'xin hua duo duo kai 2'
jordan went home.

see i'm sucha kind soul. (:
UPDATE LAH. haha.

xoxo!

2009-01-21T17:12:00.000-08:00

Ohwell, its been awhile since I last blogged.

These days have been passing by really REALLY fast.

Like whoa, it seems like just yesterday that I got my results slip.

Anyway, most of my days so far have been spent at home, watching the tv, chatting online, etc etc.

TOTAL SLACK-NESS.

.

Sigh, missed out on God once again, but I'm determined to go this week

no matter what.

Spent the entire yesterday in town.

With Claire, we met up Cheng Howe at woodlands station and headed over to jtc to return our access cards and hand up the time sheets.

Had my breakfast at the canteen there, for what seemed like probably the last time I was gonna eat anything there for a long time.

Headed over to Wisma so that Claire could go get down her checklist on what she wanted to buy, and for Cheng to buy the shirt for his bro.

Then went over to FAMOUS AMOS to meet Gam who was waiting there for us.

Total mixture of chocolate and Body Shop scents there.

Headed over to Taka, Seoul Garden and met up with Claire's primary school friend, Syafiq, and the friends he brought along too.
Had lotsa fun cooking and eating, though Claire mostly just cooked and said she ate alot alr, AND complained that there wasnt any chocolate fondue. :D

Played 'zhou ji mi ma', and I was so fortunate to have lost at the first round, coz they only mixed ice cream with kimchi, and with tom yam soup and more kimchi soup.

Tasted quite nice actually. Not bad. No idea why everyone else couldnt take kimchi when both Cheng and me were like, 'whats wrong with kimchi?!'

Continued playing, and finally everyone else but Gam, Claire, and Norman (Syafiq's friend) had to take the horrid stuff.

Oh, and 2 of Syafiq's friends left halfway. Awww missed out on all the fun.

Syafiq and Norman had some kinda eating contest, and Norman beat him flat.

Like, a bowl of ice cream, Norman could finish it while Syafiq's still got 2 scoops left.

SUPER EATER!
Then Claire had another primary scool friend who was working at that seoul garden, and Norman and Syafiq kept taking food, then telling him to 'clear them' so they could bring it to the staff's quarters, or sth, to eat them. BROWNIES! :D

After everything, we bid our farewells and Gam, Cheng, Claire and me headed over to Orchard Plaza so Claire could try on her tailored dress.

Made her look super mature and demure man.

OHOH. On the way there, coz Claire was on the phone so she just kept walking along, the 3 of us guys were a little behind her.

We saw this staff who kept staring at Claire's body.

Like, EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Nothing to do after Claire tried on the dress, so we decided to head home.

Bounced train. Gam got off at Khatib, Cheng at Sembawang.

When we got down at woodlands and were walking towards cwp to walk around, we saw this blind guy who was tapping here and there.

He was like, about to knock into those potted plants outside Delifrance, so we stopped him and asked where he wanted to go.

We then both led him down to Four Leaves for him to buy his walnuts clover bread, then led him back up and all the way to the bus interchange.

Then told an uncle who was taking 913, same as the blind guy, to inform him when the bus arrived.

Was so happy, having done a good deed.

Yeap, and so was Claire.

Headed over to popular, where we checked out some books on the shelves and Claire decided to commit some of the stuff she found in origami and card books into memory so she could make them next time.

Then we found this book, '501 must-see movies'.

The book divided all the movies into categories. Horror, drama, musical, etc.

Both of us stood there and flipped through all the pages and checked out all 501 of them. :D

Decided there was nothing else to do, so we headed home.

Claire suggested taking the bus as she had blisters on her right foot, wearing new shoes.

After getting down, we walked awhile and Claire really seemed unable to walk, so sad!

So I piggybacked her for a distance till she demanded to be put down, didnt want my spine to break under her weight, haha.

Went home, and watched tv.

Parents came home with lotsa CNY stuff.

And my mom got me a book, 'words of encouragement for every new day'.

Every page represented each new day, and date, and each had an inspirational context, as well as parts of the Bible, included. Nice! :D

Ohwell, only managed to watch half of American Idol, coz my bro wanted to watch another show.

Slacked awhile more, and headed to bed.

Whoa, what I typed seems soooo long, but just like that, yesterday's over alr.

Waayyyyyyy too fast.

I want my life to slow down.

I DONT WANNA GROW UP SO FAST.

Turning 17 in less than a month's time.

Perhaps I'll turn more mature, I dont know.

But I just hope that I'll be able to make better decisions and be more responsible.

I'm really happy.

2009-01-14T17:40:00.000-08:00

I'm torn, shattered.

Whats wrong with my life, I wonder.

Didnt take me long to realise the answer.

Perhaps, I'm just too lousy at saying 'no'?

Am I really just supposed to be a robot? Listening to their EVERY command?

Maybe I just give up too easily, and give in to everyone's demands and everything.

But I really dont know what to do anymore.

Should I just throw in the towel and walk away?

However, like someone told me, its just 2 years.

So I will bear with it, and give in to their

insatiable

demands.

I have never felt so brought down, so sad, angry, and filled with hatred in my life.

So much, I couldnt even stop myself from shaking.

And seriously, at that point and moment in time, I really wanted to go to the kitchen,

grab a knife and stab someone.

Stab and stab, and rid his or her body of all the blood, all the significance of life.

But then again, I think to myself.

Why am I thinking this way? Whats happening to me?

Am I turning into some mental whacko? Some unstoppable monster on a rampage?

And I'm really sorry Claire, for all those really crazy texts. I couldnt control myself at all.

Laughing to myself like everything's a sick-ass game, like I'm on cloud nine.

What should I do?

I really dont know anymore.

Everything seems like a possible risk, a possible way to die.

Oh Lord, are these really the many challenges you're giving me?

I dont want to hurt anymore people.

I dont want to get anyone else affected.

I'm not worth it.

Am I ever gonna learn to fly?

I think hard, but the answer seems obvious.

I can try.

tell me all your thoughts of God.

2009-01-12T16:44:00.000-08:00

Alright guys, my blog's up with a new skin.
All thanks to dearie claire for helping me change. :D
Also, sorry for the super late update! Havent been in the mood to blog, or its just that I've always been feeling lazy.
Anw, Os results this year was good for the entire singapore i guess.
Well, for me, I got 15 for L1R5.
Ohwell, I cant actually be complaining and all, since I know I didnt put much effort into my studies this year.
Its no use regretting now, and I know I'm not.
I cant undo what is already fixed.
So lets just accept whatever we have with a smile and remind ourselves that there're others who did worse than us and are probably feeling even worse.

So yeap! CONGRAATTTSSSS to claire for getting her 14, screamed like mad. Crazy woman.
And to Phina! For getting 7, great work.
And to the many others who thought they did well, congrats to yall too. :D

Time to make the decisions and pick out the 12 courses/schools.
Ohwell, its MY decision, and in the end, I'm gonna decide myself.
Nobody else is gonna decide for me.
Time to be as stubborn as a mule. :D

Anyway, the past entire week's been really hectic, for my mind.
Kept thinking about my results and all.
That I'd get like, 20 plus or sth.
And guess what, I dreamt that I got 15 for my Os one night.

AND I DID!

Omg this so so freaking deja vu man.

Nvm, its over anw.
No idea why, but I just cant wait for sch to start, no matter what jc or poly I'm posted to.
Its like, I really miss just picking up that pen, and copying down notes, lectures, doing homework, etc etc.
But yea yea, I guess after awhile of doing that I'm gonna be like, all bored of it and everything but ohwell, I'm happy about what I'm feeling at present!

Went to gelare with ming shuang and claire ytd, coz claire wanted to celebrate her good results.
Somehow we took a REALLY LONG time to order our food.
Anw, ming shuang is super super messy can.
And I had to finish up the waffle SOMEONE couldnt finish AGAIN.
But yeap, it was alright coz I suddenly got hungry.
And when I got home I could still finish my entire dinner.
So yea, was stuck with the 2 of them in gelare, complaining about their stomach pains.

And the fork and knife's for cutting food, meat okay. NOT paper.

Okay I'm starting to feel bored about posting alr, so I guess I'm gonna stop now.
Gotta go update my bankbook.
See yall round!

its not your fault that this turned out this way,

just remember,

i'm here.

this is a post out of pure boredom

2009-01-08T19:24:00.000-08:00

:D
jordan's bored.
claire's bored too.
claire's hungry.
no actually she just wants to eat.
but jordan says he can eat in LESS than 5 mins.
FINE.
claire shall start eating now.
no actually claire's too lazy to take her food.
nevermind.

LA lalala LA.

:D

who's jane"? :D
i'm mary. i'm bob. the BUILDER.

I'm grateful

2009-01-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

I woke up to a great start to this saturday.
At least didnt wake up like most other times.
I woke up refreshed! Even tho I only slept for like, 6 hours.
Yes, I know I'm weird. But thats just who I am isnt it?
Heading foe Elvyin's party later on, with Claire and hopefully more others.
A PARTY NEEDS TO HAVE PEOPLE TO ROCK IT MAN, whats a few people gonna do?
I believe, everyone should get an equal chance, an equal stand at every opportunity laid out.
Race doesnt matter, languages doesnt too.
Man I sound soooooo political, so brainwash-y. :D
Kiddin guys, was typing this post halfway then thought about it so I just included it in for fun.

Time really flies. Just like that, 16 years of my life has gone by in a flash.
And at this very moment, the very seconds of our lives are ticking away, never to return.
Sounds emo doesnt it, but I'm not emo or anything kay, dont get me wrong.

I just feel, life is precious. We MUST cherish it.
REALLY REALLY SINCERELY cherish it.

Every step we take, should be:

1: Forward, and not backward.

2: To our benefit, not just for ourselves, but for others too. Spare a thought for people around us.

3: With care. For we shouldnt take unneccesary risks and land into trouble.

4: With utmost patience. For impatience will never get anyone anywhere. It just ruins one.

Alrightey, there're seriously many many more in my mind, but all are lost somewhere in the corners here and there.
Havent been thinking much these days.

Thats a good thing isnt it?
Perhaps, I guess, and perhaps not.

I dont know whats wrong with me, my posts are always like that.

Am I mentally sane? I dont know.
Psychologically healthy? Same answer.
What about physically? I think I'm getting fat. Gotta go swim and workout from now on.

Spiritually? I need You God, I want You.
I dont know how to face You anymore.
I feel that all hope is lost, and I dont even know where I am anymore.

I'm stranded alone, somewhere I've got no idea of, God.
Will You reach out Your hand to me? Take me in?
Breathe into my ear, and tell me that You'll always be here? By my side?
I want to embrace You God, but I'm afraid.
So many things have happened, I'm unsure of myself.
Help me, God, help me.

To the people reading this, I'm not sad or emo or anything.
So dont for one second think I am.

I'm just releasing whatever is in my mind at this point of time.

Dont worry you, I'm fine.

(:

i need change

A New Beginning

2008-12-31T22:04:00.000-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! :D
Man, korea was super cold.
I celebrated New Year's twice this year, since korea's time is one hour ahead of singapore's.

Rahh, being back in singapore makes me wanna go back to korea, because you dont sweat there, since its still winter.
I tried uploading the pics, but man, were they slow or what.

Guess I've got too many pics.
Just looked through my cam's memory card.

Gosh we took over 600 pics in 8 days.

I really enjoyed korea.
Especially the bus trips, cos they allowed me to plug my earphones in and rekindle my special someone in my mind.
We went to jeju island, headed over to this mountain where the 'Da Chang Jin' show was filmed. Checked out the flower and orange fields, they were really brilliant.
Rode on horses! Really cool. Lovely animals.
Hmmm, what else.
Went diving into the sea in a submarine to check out the schools of fishes and corals.
The food there was really boring, haha.

Coz its like, mostly steamboats everytime, or bbq meat.
Went to Mount Seorak, where we took lotsa pics of the landscapes and sceneries.
The winds there were so strong they made me struggle to catch my balance. Seriously.

When time permitted, I was never sleeping.
Instead, I was thinking about stuff and everything.

What can I do to give you a better life, a better future?

How can I help you push aside your problems?
What can I do, what should I do, to make it to your side? Let you accept me, and so you won't face everything on your own?
It hurts me to see you like this whenever you're down.

I know you can get happy easier and faster than me, but I still worry for you.

I care for you.

Its hurts me.

I know whatever I'm saying is just so..

IRONIC.
CONTRADICTORY.

Okay why am I digressing from the main topic of this post.
Ohwell, korea was just absolutely awesome.
The guides were great and amiable, and the people in my group were kinda fun too.
And OH YEA, my group had 2 girls cheng howe! Yours had none, muahaha. :D
Claire, don't get jealous. We just made friends, nothing else kay? (:
Well I know you wont anw.

We went shopping, and I bought two shirts there. Kinda nice I guess, but since it was winter in korea, every shop was selling winter clothing! ):

ATTENTION ALL TEDDYBEAR LOVERS.
I went to the teddybear museum!
They've got all kinds of teddybears there.
One was of Mona Lisa, another of King Alexander.
There was even one of Gandhi! :D

Ate lotsa kimchi man, think I'm sick of it.
But at least I had authentic kimchi.

Oh and I learnt how to make kimchi, super tedious, heh.

The sceneries there was just really great, indescribable.
So many things happened in the 8 days, I cant remember all.
If I remember somemore, shall include them in my next post and so on.
Sorry guys.

And you, I missed you terribly.

Whatever you wanna do, to, with me now, I wanna just reciprocate in the very same way.

I love you.

And, happy new year.

cheers

Merry Christmas everyone

2008-12-23T22:37:00.001-08:00

Tonight's the night I'm leaving for Korea, Seoul.

Sooooo gonna miss you guys.

Stuff happened last night, while I was out playing night badminton with Claire and Aaron.

But I'm alright now.

Cos I've promised someone I'll be strong.

Its Christmas Eve guys.

One more day to Christmas Day.

I'm psyched about it, even though I'm not spending it in Singapore with you guys.

But rest assured! I'll be coming back with lotsa korean stuff and really really REALLY nice pictures for all of yall to see kay!

My wishes for Christmas, or perhaps New Year's resolutions this year is :

1: For myself to become a stronger person and not succumb to threats and breakdowns that easily anymore.

2: For myself to become a more caring person, someone more loving than this year. I want to show more care and concern to everyone out there who has been a help to me this year, and have helped me go through my emotional problems and distress. Spread more love to everyone.

3: To be a better son to my parents, and not try to let them down.

4: To do well in my studies and not get totally distracted.

Well, it certainly seems to be lotsa wishes, but I really hafta say them.

5: To say stuff and mean them.

6: To let someone into my life.

Someone has always been here for me throughout my journey this year.
She has shown me boundless love, and everything she does always reflects her love for me.

Everything she has done, is like a ray of shining light, helping me out in my way around the dark tunnel.

And to you guys, thanks for having been here when I need help.

Gonna name a few who've been there occasionally and know most of my problems.

To Cheng Howe, for being a best friend in every way. For helping me with my relationship problems, and listening out to me when I REALLY REALLY needed an attentive listening ear. You must learn to let go when it is the time for you to. Time heals. Be forgiving and be happy.

To Jonathan Tan (Jonny) , for just always being that jackass, for making us laugh with your never-ending jokes and wit. Joke on, not rock on, jonny.

To Richie, though I just talked more to you ever since we started work, you kinda have been a great friend. Go dedicate one month to your basketball!

To Ding Liang, for being that WHITE shiny guy with that comical face. Thanks. My message for you, a brother and a great friend. Absolutely wonderful.

To Zi Hui, thanks for being here this first half of the year! :D

To Claire, for being here for ALL (really) my emotional problems, actually just ALL my problems. You, continue to shine, for thats what you're meant to do in your life. Continue to shine out to many many other people and touch them with your love.

To Daryl, thanks for having been here for a few of my problems. Personal message to you, be SSSTRRRRRRRRROOOOOONGGGGGGGGGGG. :D

To my parents, for not giving up on me on so many occasions, for giving me so many chances to redeem myself time and time again. You've deifinitely touched my life in a great way.

To my two brothers, though you both are irritating and nonsensical at most times, I still love you both and I'm happy for everything we have together.

To my grandparents, for just being alive, and still able to listen to my problems and help me out with them. Even though sometimes you both couldnt help, I appreciate your effort. I love you both.

To everyone else whom I know but did not mention, it doesnt mean I dont love you, or that you dont make impacts in my life. Thank you all, for just being my friend, for just, accepting me.

To those whose lives I've touched, thanks for having letting me into your lives.
Thanks for being the very special people in my life. You guys are unique in your own special way.

I say goodbye to this year, with this last day in Singapore.
But I'm sure, next year will be more exciting, and I'm going to touch even more lives than before. Just like how the usual people are gonna touch mine when I'm down and everything.

Thanks for everything, the people I know. I know you're thanking me too, so here I am saying a HUGE 'THANK YOU' to all of you. God bless and live strong.

goodbye 2008, hello 2009.

merry christmas

Wronged

2008-12-21T00:40:00.000-08:00

3 days before I Leave for Korea man.

URGH, gonna miss you guys.

But EH, why do I keep talking about going to korea and not seeing all of yall?

RAHHH, but I know I'm deifnitely gonna miss you.

ALOT ALOT ALOT.

And when I get back, all I know is that I wanna hug you.

I think I'm weird.

I get weird thoughts.

I see weird stuff.
I'M WEIRD.

Tomorrow's another day for work, and bet I'm gonna experience monday blues again.

But at least Cheng's coming back to work!

He got back last week, not sure friday or saturday.

And he's gonna gimme tips and advice on what to bring and stuff.

At least I know there're lotsa things to buy over there!
Sending me off anyone?

Well I bet nobody is.

Cos I just know. :DDDDDDD

Man I'm bored.
Spent both saturday and sunday like usual, at home and bored, doing nth.
I'm sorry I couldnt go.

Its not as if I dont want to.

But I know there's nothing I can do to change whatever you think.

Everyone's mindsets towards certain things.
What someone thinks of you, feels about you, is perhaps or most likely, based on past experiences and whatever.

Its really hard for one to change the mindsets people have of him or her.
So sometimes I just let things go its way.

But I am trying to fight for what I deserve.

I dont want people to treat me like a pushover.

I dont want to be bullied.

I am NOT useless.

Just watch me.

One day, I'll prove all of you wrong.

Make all of you know what I can do, what I am capable of.

I am determined, to create a mark in this world.
A mark that'll last.

watch me.

Finally, I'm happy

2008-12-19T02:48:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone, sorry for this late update.

Been super busy with work everyday.

WE HAD A CATERED LUNCH TODAY!

All thanks to the wonderful heads we have in our department.

Took pictures but with colleague's camera, shall post the pictures when I get them from him online kay?
Everything's been pretty hectic.

And I keep remembering that I'll miss xmas and new year's.

For christmas, I'm spending it either in the airport, or in the plane.

MAN.

For new year's, I'm spending it in the plane back to singapore.

DOUBLE MAN.

The thought of not being able to spend christmas with you guys, not being able to coutdown with you guys.

Not being able to attend all the wonderful parties.

Not being able to wish yall MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

But its alright.

I can watch the snow fall down as I think of all the love you guys have all shown for me.

And, I would like to shout out to Daryl.

Its alright.

We've got you from here on.

Come to us should you feel alone, or anything.

Always.

One's journey in life is never done, never achieved, alone.

Friends are the ones who will always be there for you.

Never ending is their support for you.

Remember.

snowflakes.

I remember

2008-12-15T16:13:00.000-08:00

Had another day of work yesterday, but I went watching 'the day the earth stood still' with BEST FRIEND, CLAIRE AIMEE JIN YI FRANCIS.
Guess it was alright, and heh! I'm not that bad as to describe the entire show and spoil it for you guys. THANK ME.
Oh yea then we went over to TOASTBOX to slack and talk.

Had someone's recommended unique, special food.

AND YES, thank you for introducing it to me. HAHA.
OH and we bought like, a bowl of mee siam, a plate of peanut butter on bread-cubes, and 2 soft-boiled eggs.

Someone kept complaining about being instilled to not eat that many eggs.
In the end, think we only finished the mee siam and ate a few cubes.

RAHH YOU, I TOOK OUT THE PEANUT BUTTER FOR YOU YET YOU DIDNT FINISH THE WHOLE CUBE! HAD HALF ONLY SOMEMORE!
You ungrateful girl, ungrateful best friend, watch out. ( muahahaha )

Well this was whats left of the dinner-supper.

And that plate of eggs? We named it the 'only-for-display' eggs. Since we didnt eat them at all, and who would eat them when they turn cold anyway.

Well I made an important discovery yesterday too, that sony ericsson phones totally dislike Claire. They always auto restart or shut-off or get really laggy whenever she uses it.
DONT SAY ITS UNTRUE YOU! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Here's Claire feeling so attracted by one of the guys working at toastbox, she took his picture.

Okay well she took pretty random shots of me too but I guess nobody wants to see it, and I wouldnt want to post them up anyway, since I looked really funny in the pictures.

Life's been pretty hectic for me, but I'm totally fine with the way things are going right now, aren't you too?
You know I'll wait, I always do.
The way I see it, everything's gonna be just fine, and we shouldn't worry too much.

Let's just let life continue the way it is, and before you know it, we'd have crossed the finish line, together.

Look, its my best friend. And yes you cant get taller than me. :DDDDDDDDDDDD

memories.

Who knows?

2008-12-13T01:13:00.000-08:00

I'm broken, cant go for the confirmation mass tmw.
Why must such stuff happen to me, I've disappointed people for countless numbers of times.
Yet I'm still doing it again.

I didnt choose this path, but more like the path willed itself in my way.

I'm a puppet, forever walking straight. People choose my directions, my destination, my future.

Where're my virtues, one might ask.

Well I've got none.

I search deep into myself, and empty void, rid of all feelings.

All, except two tyrant feelings.

SADNESS.

ANGER.

I ask myself, why do such stuff always happen to me?

Am I really supposed to live this kind of life, till the day I'm on my deathbed, ready to rise into heaven and join Our Wonderful Saviour God?

But then again, I remind myself of what I've promised to you, and to the others who knows my plight.

I WILL BE HAPPIER, BECAUSE I'VE PROMISED, BECAUSE I WANT TO.

I DONT WANT TO LIVE A LIFE OF ENDLESS DESPAIR.

I WANT TO BREAK FREE FROM ITS CLUTCHES.

RID OF MY BAD POINTS, MY SADNESS, MY ANGER, SHALL I FLY FREE AND ACCEPT WHAT I SHOULD BE.

I WILL SUCCEED.

WATCH ME.

shattered.

Should I.. or should I not?

2008-12-12T17:14:00.000-08:00

Guys! Its been awhile since I last published a post.

Been working like mad this week, I got sick! D:

But ohwell, had my best friend's yummy soup and instanteously got better, except for those nasty headaches here and there.

And I got a new phone! And feeling bad about it.

AND YES IM GONNA SHOVE IT IN HER FACE. Lets just hope she wouldnt kill me for doing that.

Hmmm, What shall I get for xmas for you guys? I'm thinking. Really hard. (:

I know, perhaps just spread my love more! ( CHEAPSKATE :DDDDDDDDDDDD )
But I dunno, think when I'm over in korea then I'll decide what to buy for you guys.

KOREAN PRESENTS KAY?! MUST APPRECIATE THEM. :D

Confirmation mass' tmw! But I'm not sure if I can go, RAHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Think my parents' bringing the family to my uncle's place for dinner and for me to get my winter jacket from my cousin, heard them talking about it.

BUT I WANNA GO FOR CONFIRMATION MASS!!!!

Urgh, we'll see how things go.

Just hope they'll turn out right, then indirectly everything'll turn out right.

Its back to seacrhing through the files and sorting through dusty papers on monday.

At least I'll be with my friends.

I dont know what to say anymore, so bye guys, see yall sometime round.

thank you.

Desperado

2008-12-10T01:23:00.000-08:00

The movie's called off! ):

Cause, Jonny didnt like watching scary movies, and richie didnt want to feel bad but leaving jonny alone to go home by himself.

Whats more, NOW I'm feeling bad.

We're supposed to send Cheng off today, since he's flying off to Korea tomorrow.

But its alright, we'll see you when you get back in 1 week time Cheng!

By then I would be in Korea. :DDDDD

More than a week more to Christmas!

The christmas mood's here already.

Man I missed Christmas.

I WANT WINTER!

Gonna get to see snowflakes for the first time.
Oh yea, my BEST FRIEND gave me soup today cause I'm sick.

Finished EVERY drop of it.

Thanks BEST FRIEND, for caring for me, for being so thoughful, so sweet.

I LOVE YOU.

countdown.

Patience goes, a really long way.

2008-12-09T03:47:00.000-08:00

Work's been tiring me out, think I'm going out with cheng and the rest, WITH miss chow to watch quarantine after work, provided she agrees. SO MISS CHOW QUICKLY REPLY MY TEXT!

Best friends are always there for you no matter what.

They care for you in a certain way, different from the rest.

They know how you feel regarding certain situations.

They know when to let you loose, when to totally stop you.

They, are SIMPLY THE BEST.

Thanks all besties, for shedding light to my world.

You guys are the music in my head, the lights at the end of the tunnel.

Its a great tough challenge, but I know I'll survive, I'll brave it out.

I'm willing to try.

And I know I'll succeed.

Yea I know, 715, and its counting down.

Sure thing, you get all the points, I have no need for them.

Because all i ever want, and need, is YOU.

You know that too.

And why hurt?

I'm here for you alright.

Release your dreadful burdens on me.

Let me share them with you.

I dont find you a bother, because I CARE, ALOT.

ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT. REALLY.

Keep that in mind kay?

Patience goes a really long way, and I'm counting down to the day.

I'm waiting.

I'll wait, forever.

2008-12-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

We're only 16, there's a long way ahead of us.

Though it seems far, I know we'll make it if we hold hands and face everything together.

2 years, 730 and a half days, till you're mine again.

Its alright, I'm not fretting, I'm not complaining.

This has probably got to be the toughest and largest challenge in my life.

Obsessed by love? I think not.

I'm just willing, to wait for that someone special in my life.

And, I know its you.

You probably feel the same way too.

We'll wait together.

Time'll pass very quickly, and before you know it, we're 18, and back together once more.

In my heart, you've always been my one and only, and in my heart, nobody else can take away that spot which you stand so firmly on.

You've made me feel love, allowed for me to feel love, love that I never thought I could ever feel in my life, ever get in my life.

Thank you for everything.

My sixteenth year of life, great wonderful life, has not been of waste.

I love you.

together, we'll make it.

Christmas' Influence

2008-12-03T15:54:00.000-08:00

22 days to Christmas.

343 and a quarter days from this year's flown by just like that.

This few days, I've been feeling all emotional.

Drained psychologically, emotionally, mentally, and physically, I feel at a loss.

I'm getting mood swings at unwanted times, such as when everyone's joking together.

I go all quiet and keep to myself for a few moments.

Everytime this happens, I'm reminding myself in my mind, no matter how unhappy I am, or am going to be, I had to just look for the little spark of happiness in me, make it grow, make it flare.

All I had to do was to fan it, gently at times, violently at times.

And I know, that spark WILL burn in me.

It will burn in me oh-so brightly, it will engulf me.

It will mesmerise me, take me in.

It will be so inspirational, so influential, others shall be affected by me and be happy too.

Actually, I think I've just found my christmas wish for everybody in the world.

Happiness.

No more disputes, arguments.

With happiness, peace prevails.

And, with peace, everything shall going along fine and well, and everybody can live better lives.

Those in war-torn countries shall be able to experience true happiness, when war ends and they can all live normal, peaceful lives, not those of fear that they might get blown up or killed in a gun battle at any time of the day.

Peace on earth, happiness to all, goodwill to all man.

Wonderful Saviour, guide me in my way to at least attain, achieve, part of my christmas wish.

Let everybody be enlightened of Your love, of Your grace.

Spread Your love to every corner in the world, light up everybody's lives.

Let them feel Your presence Lord, feel Your love.

And one by one, they'll love You all back, in the same way as You've loved them.

We raise our praises to You, our worship.

Grant happiness to man.
Amen.

God has granted me the patience,

and has given me the challenge of waiting for you.

You are mine.

Timely Attribute

2008-11-28T20:32:00.001-08:00

I say hello to the world.

Today's Dave's send-off.

He's going off to Australia, Brisbane to further his studies.

Man, we're ALL gonna miss you.

SO YOU BETTER STUDY HARD THERE AND MAKE ALL OF US PROUD!

:DDD

My first week of work's over, and I already feel drained.

But there's been you all this while, pushing me on, encouraging me on.

I thank you for that, for I am truly grateful.

Yesterday was the bbq for Dave at marcus' place.

We crapped alot, messed around.

I got wet, by tap water.

Lol.

Walked baby home after that so I guess everything was worthwhile.

Everyone let's pray for each other as we continue walking in faith in the only way our Saviour has led out for us.

See yall sometime soon.

And Dave, all the best.

time's running out.

Offset

2008-11-27T06:18:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

Haven't been blogging lately, cause of WORK. RAHHHHHH.

And I've got a papercut. ):

I walked baby home tonight.
Haha you and your cockroach-infested subway sandwich.

Christmas is coming in less then a month's time.

Time really flies.

Everything seemed fine initially, but things happened and we fell apart.

Stuff can bring us together, and break us apart.

This time, we know, what'll happen.

:DDDDDDDDDDD

Tomorrow's Dave's send-off bbq!

Man, we're all so gonna miss you.

But yea, have fun wherever you may be.

Alrightey guys, gotta go sleep for work tommorow,

see yall. :DDDDD

I OWE YOU A SHOULDER MASSAGE.

you're mine.

Exhausted

2008-11-24T04:48:00.000-08:00

Today was the first day of work!

Lol thought admin work meant typing stuff for the permanent-working people.

But guess what, my friends and I went there to sort out files, LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of them. Seriously. :D

There were like, SHELVES, and we had to stack some up so high, we had to use chairs, lol.

All this while, I couldnt stop thinking of you.

Your smile, your laughter, your love.

I just so totally miss you.

And its all your fault,

yes.

Your fault. (:

The food in the company's canteen is not bad, quite nice actually.

Well, its a really good working environment, so yea.

AND YOU, last time asked you if you wanted the job.

YOU SAID NO.

NOW you're asking me if there're vacancies.

RAWR YOU.

:DDDD

I really hope there're vacancies, and you'll come.

YAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY.

Lol this is the first time I don't know what to talk about in my post.

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH.

Lol nvm, see yall tmw, think I'm gonna go gym after work tmw.

:DDDD

Bye!

I miss you,

I really do.

And I know you do too.

New Life

2008-11-23T00:08:00.000-08:00

Hey all.

A really boring sunday.

Totally did almost nothing.

Went to gramps place and played a little mahjong.

Lol, I won 3 games out of the 4 I played.

Baby's fine with me already, so I'm fine too.

Time to recuperate, recollect, restore.

I need to go swim, get fit,

think I'm getting fat soon.

Its singapore's "Grandparents' Day" today.

Here's to all the gramps out there, alive, and in heaven.

Thanks for being in our lives.

Thanks for sharing with us your wonderful past stories, your past experiences.

Thanks for giving us the countless advices and help when we're sad, when we're at a loss, everything.

On behalf of EVERYONE in the world,

I say a HUGE

"I LOVE YOU"

to all gramps out there.

Live on.

I'm sorry Dave, not able to go for your confirmation mass this morning.

But yea, hope you'll forever follow God's only way, and praise him for bringing you to this world, and worship him all the more.

For He is full of grace, and is ready to forgive even the worst sinners,

we worship you Lord.

We praise You.

Continue to guide us in our way.

Help us out in our troubles, and give us the strength, wisdom, courage, and many many more to be what we are today.

Guys, thanks for being in my life.

Thanks for all the happiness, the joys we've shared.

I'll miss yall, 4-1.

But yea, enjoy your future, and may God be with all of you.

ROCK ON.

:DDDD

Thats all folks, catch yall sometime soon.

And YOU, don't forget I owe you a leg/feet massage.

Stuff may be hard to comprehend,

but let's face them together

and make things clear,

for all to see.

Broken

2008-11-21T17:19:00.000-08:00

I look back at my life,

and I always think to myself,

It has to be ME,

ME,

ME.

16 years have gone by just like that.

time flies,

it seems,

too fast, way too fast.

Sure, there've been the happy times,

the fun times...

the sad times.

Amazing how emotions, and feelings, can destroy one.

Contrast it to life, these two can be viewed as something that inspires life, or for short, runs the life.

Emotions and feelings make people happy, angry, sad, whatever you name it.

However, people can control it, do what they seem fit.

Because its their choice to control it, and run their own lives.

They don't allow their emotions and feelings control their lives overly too much.

So tell me, why doesn't it happen to me?

Why can't I control my own freaking emotions, whatever I feel.

Everytime I look into myself, my body, my soul, my heart,

All I see is hatred, anger.

And I've always been trying to find a possible outlet for me to pour everything out on, to feel free, to BE free.

But I know I shouldn't have poured a single bit out at all,

no not even an inch of it.

Because something I've realised,

is that whatever emotions and feelings I have,

have been bottled up for many years, some even as long as 7 years.

You tell me to try controlling my emotions,

but I'm afraid!

I'm afraid of the harm I'd cause to people, to everyone,

should I try and end up pouring everything out AGAIN.

But I know I've promised you.

And I'm trying to look for the silver lining in that thick mass of clouds in the beautiful sky.

Or perhaps, looking for the hay in the needlestack, or maybe let's make it, 3 needlestacks piled up together.

What am I doing, I ask myself.

What have I done, perhaps to start with?

Just thinking about the many many people I've hurt before.

And you, even more than the rest.

I feel totally useless in bringing myself to face any challenges anymore.

These challenges have seemed to become the worst nightmare of my life.

They've seemed to become the well-known monster-in-the-closet of every child's mind.

To me, challenges are supposed to be an outlet for me to test myself, and usually, I used to come out on top.

This time, its not anybody else's fault.

Its mine.

I doubt myself, guys.

No, I don't doubt that I'm God's creation, because I'm sure that I am.

Like you've said, if I pray for the strength to continue on,

God sends me challenges.

If I pray for the wisdom for a test, God makes the test difficult.

If I pray for a smooth, steady relationship, God sends the storms, the huge tides our way.

But I want to hold you, grab hold of your hand, and tide through everything with you.

I need you to get me back to what I was before.

Like I've said, and probably what you've said too, its difficult.

But there's no harm trying isn't it?

Just, stay with me, by my side.

Let me feel your presence.

Then I'll be reminded of whatever you've promised me.

And yes, you ARE that silver lining in my life that I've always been looking out for, that I've always wanted to grab hold of.

The journey there is tough, extremely tough, but I'll bear it for you no matter what.

And, don't think that I'm doing this because of you.

I'm doing this,

because of us.

I love you.

I hope for you,

Wish for you.

My blog's first heartbeat. thudthud (:

2008-11-21T01:55:00.000-08:00

Hello? Anyone there?
Someone answer me?!
Its like, where did everyone go to.
I'm alive! And nobody cares.
Fine! Fine.
Haha
My blog is finally up guys, so do whatever you want with it.
I know someone's gonna spam my tagboard!
(and i'm so gonna spam yours back)
Today's a BORING day. I totally slacked at home, RAWR.
Watched tv, SLACKED, went online, SLACKED.
CREATED THIS BLOG, YAY.
YAYABADALAMA, lol random.
COME ON PEOPLE, ASK ME OUT OR STH.
YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO, HAHA. DONT LEAVE ME TO ROT AT HOME.
But, you know i neeeeeeeeeddd you the most, and you know who you are.
Till tomorrow then, see yall everyone, and don't forget to spam my tagboard.

even if things don't seem fine,

you know that you've always got me.

let's change everything,

for the better.

I'm here for you,

always.